The Merriam-Webster says this about "contemplation":
1 a : concentration on spiritual things as a form of private devotion
b : a state of mystical awareness of God's being
2 : an act of considering with attention : STUDY
3 : the act of regarding steadily
4 : INTENTION, EXPECTATION
I would say that what's been happening in my brain is a combination of most all of these. I've been thinking about my life in general, but also as a Christian. I've been mulling over in my brain why I believe, what I believe and how it has changed me through the years as a person.
Many years ago... I'm 56 now so I can say that... when I was a high school student in the midst of the "Jesus Movement" it was "cool" to be a follower of Jesus, or any other religious leader of the time. I toyed with Eastern Mysticism and looked into many different religions. My family had a strong faith and it didn't take me too long to realize that they were right after all. I had joined a Penticostal church and made many new Christian friends in Colorado. Then my marriage came unglued. By this time we had two small children and I really had no where to go. It became increasingly evident that for the safety of my daughters I had to go away. We ended up packing a few boxes and moving back East. My folks put us up for a while. I was totally wiped out and humiliated. My faith had been shaken to the core. I wasn't sure what was true or even if I had faith in anything. God picked up the shattered pieces of my life and gave me hope. I started school again, but this time with purpose since I now had a family to care for. It was really tough sometimes and we pinched pennies. My family helped out some, but the strength to face each day came from God. After a couple years of praying, my husband came East too and settled in the same area. I had great hopes that finally we might be able to work out our marriage. It was a really stressful time, but he really had no intention of getting back together with me. He had his own agenda and it became evident that he was not a changed person. We finally divorced. Even after being separated for 2 years it still felt as though someone was tearing my heart out when the judge granted the divorce. It was a very dark day that I don't think I've ever fully recuperated from.
He went on to marry another two times. He had another little girl. My children still had contact with their father and he meant a great deal to them, and to me as we continued to talk and be friendly with one another even though he at times could be very verbally abusive. My greatest fear was that he would try to take the children away from me. I worked even harder. I went to school and finished by degree in education. He had the means to buy nice things for the children and I was not able to do that. I taught school and had the children in the classes I taught. We were very close, but there is a special bond between a daughter and her father.
Then he died very suddenly. Oh what a sad day it was. We cried and cried. I couldn't pick myself up and I couldn't encourage my girls. Once again, God reached down and did a miracle in my heart. So many times I had no one else to turn to He was there. He never left me alone. He never let me wallow in despair for very long.
I often think of others who do not have a Heavenly Father to walk through life with. What a sad thought. It is hard to put into words. The death of my first baby, the death of my husband's grandparents and my grandparents, the death of my dad and then the long sickness and death of my mom, the death of my husband... the many times I wandered away, the falling away of friends and family and ridicule of many... He has been there through it all.
The verse that has encouraged my heart like no other...
...Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour:...
I am redeemed and lead of God. All the hard times were to bring me to this place where my confidence is not in my own strength, but in my strong and mighty God.
If you are facing hard times in your life, please remember this truth. God will never leave you. He will never forsake you. When the glue wears out on any other relationship... He will never fail.
Sorry this is so long and tedious to read. I am not saying my trials have been any harder that anyone elses trials. I know we all face them. I pray that you are facing them with God by your side and in your heart. I'm sure there will be many more trials for me to face. I know God will be there every step of the way and NOTHING happens unless He allows it and has a purpose for it.
I am praying that today you will be bless beyond what you expect.